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Post by Dirt on Jun 16, 2008 14:00:37 GMT -5
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Post by Sir Kiken on Jun 16, 2008 14:16:26 GMT -5
Oh I've seen that episode! That's great!
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Post by The Chronic Dragon on Jun 16, 2008 21:45:41 GMT -5
TERRORIST FIST BUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAARGH!!!
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Post by Sir Kiken on Jun 21, 2008 20:33:49 GMT -5
In a town known as Beariesinkreem, a turtle with the skin of a 32 year old blacksmith on his shell was shot dead. In cold blood. For no reason. On Sunday. With a 9mm pistol. In the face. You get the picture. Point blank. Anyway, our story continues and you will soon see a man dressed in retarded as bard clothes...yep there he is! Yeah, listin at him singin' "Nanananananannanana Nanaman!!! He flies through the skies with his chicken cow SURPRISE and he smeeeeeeeells gooooood tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!" he sings doing a tapdance. Anyway, after I shot the bard i ran home to eat some cheerios. Oh shit...this should be...what person view is this shit? Whatever, okay so now...Nanaman is the local hero. He's always wearin this stankin' banana suit and a cape. Problem is...he cut a hole so his penis could hang from the suit. Yeah...i know, f*ckin gross. Well, he hunts down the the shooter of the turtle and knocks him out, then he proceeds to dance above his unconcious foe hitting him several times with his 'nana. Sucked. I had to what that nasty crap. I have to watch everything. Do you realize how annoying it is to alway be the guy talking about everything he sees? Watch this. Plane, Bird, Cloud, Tree, Chimney, Dead Reigndeer, Fat Red Burgler, Man With Shotgun, Dead Fat Red Burgler, Police, Grass, Shoes... It sucks. If I'm not careful I'll start goin on and on about stuff that I'M SAYING. The narrator continued as he complained perfusely about his job. It always seemed to drain him dry as if no life that must be lived in this way was worth living. A solemn look appears on his face as he realized he'd fallen into another phase of his habits. Self-narration. He throws a chair at the wall shattering it into pulp as he realized he can't stop. The narrator, in a blind rage, thrashed about his house ruining his own home with a hatchet. A knock on the door. Seething with anger he flings open the door and swings the hatchet. He cleaves Nanaman in two. As the blood pours from the heroes head the narrator realized what he's done. With no escaping the action he grabs a gun from the countertop. He'd comtemplated it over and over. Now he was ready. Pulling back the hammer. It was loaded. The barrel aimed at his brain via his mouth. One pull of the trigger would be it. He drew the bawwal i'to hi mou' a' he p'epare 'o 'ull de 'rigger. 'Ee, 'oo, on....
At this point in the story it becomes obvious to the reader that the narrator never heard the shot. His co-worker realized that he, at the very moment, was walking the same trail as the dead man in front of him. Stricken, he shook with...
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Post by The Chronic Dragon on Aug 11, 2008 19:49:59 GMT -5
A field study done in Alaska was executed to find definitive ways to deter bears. The two bears in the report were the Black Bear and the Grizzly Bear.
A discovery was made that many attacks result from the bear being surprised. To counter this they suggest tying small bells to your clothing so they will hear you coming.
If this doesn't work it is recommended that one brings along pepper spray to temporarily blind the bear allowing you to escape.
An alternative is observing certain aspects that will allow you to avoid them altogether. One way is knowing how fresh their tracks are and that black bears' tracks are smaller.
It is also good to note what their droppings contain so one can see how well fed they are. If a Black Bear is well fed it will have nuts, berries and the remains of small animals in it's dung.
Contrastingly, if a Grizzly bear is well fed it's poo will contain small bells and will smell like pepper spray.
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Post by Sir Kiken on Aug 14, 2008 11:19:08 GMT -5
That's a good one. Where'd you steal it?
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Post by Sir Kiken on Aug 14, 2008 11:30:58 GMT -5
Of all the feces we inject into quarter pounders none compare to the lubetastic buttfuckery of WHALESHIT which has the following nutrients: Yes. And of course who can forget that-- WARNING -- Anal flake cream now has BLUEBERRY flavorings! ten times the mouse raping power of TRIDENT GUM! So whenever you eat salad with Koala dropping and decide, "Hmm, this kumquat could use some f*ck!" then grab a HOT MEAT STICK and ram it down your blowhole! It'll taste like ANAL FLAKE CREAM whenever it's time to go home TUESDAY morning on the first of february after you slip and fall eating six and a half rocks on purpose. Grape pudding. Don't you yell at me! I'll slap your second cousin with a boiling box of cheerios and slather him in mayo while raping his pet squirrel's left nostril! And I'm goin' in dry as a dehydrated poodle pancreas. EAT CAKE. EAT CAKE. EAT CAKE. EAT CAKE. EAT SHIT! EAT FALCON'S DICK! NOnononononono there is no such myth as BigFace he's f*cking real! Real horny! Bend over the twin towers and catch the plane while whisling "Cheddar Bill" in D-minor! DO IT!
This message has been brought to you by Rectal Friction Co. "Unless you're a prison guy you shouln't go in dry!"
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Post by The Chronic Dragon on Aug 16, 2008 2:36:02 GMT -5
Smooth move Ex-lax!
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Post by Rofl Panda on Aug 18, 2008 20:02:40 GMT -5
Narrator: "once in 1869 the town of Wear-the-hell, in the County of Are-we, the entire
town decided to build a HUGE monument to the man who founded the town, Nose-bleed
McGroper. They had planed to build a HUGE arena for many sports, but they ended up
with a football stadium made of tape, glue, cardboard, one-half of a boot, gundainium,
and the other half of the boot."
Narrator: "so after three long minutes they had their football stadium, but no football,
suddenly a small boy yelled "look a pig! we could kill it and use its skin to make a ball!"
the crowd let out angry yells and shouts at the boy, because he didn't know that the pig he
saw and announced that they should kill was, of course, the the towns god pig! such
accusations of the god pig were punishable by death!"
Narrator: "the town slaughtered the poor boy, Bob, and skinned his body for the football,
and thus the name of the football became a.k.a. "pig-skin", so that anyone who thought
that a pig should be killed would be skinned."
Little Boy: "um, sir, i don't think thats why they cal-"
Narrator: (Ka-Slap!!)"DO I PAY YOU TO THINK!?!?!?!?"
Little Boy: (hides under his bed) "You don't pay me at all....."
Narrator: "DAMN RIGHT! AND IF YOU EVER EXPECT TO GET A RAISE YOU
BETTER SHUT THE HELL UP!"(ran out of breath)"ANYWAY!"
Narrator: "Skip ahead 100 years, it's the game of the season, it's the Wear-the-hell Wife-
Beaters V.S. the Puckington Plushies! and the Wife-Beaters are leading with -45 to –
44,(the team with the lowest score wins, you get a negative by scoring in the opponent's
downtouch zone), and it's just about halftime, lets see what the announcers are saying....."
Announcer 1: "well this football game is so bad so far that i would rather be ass raped by a walrus than watch anymore!
Announcer 2: "don't speak so soon Biff, the half time show is about to begin!"
Announcer 1: "that's true Dick! the Paraplegic Acrobats have come to the town and they
promised a show!"
Announcer 2: "yes they did and here the come! wow, look at those guys flop!"
Announcer 1: "yep! its always a show when the Paraplegic Acrobats are here! oooooh!
look ones going to try to walk...er... flop the tight rope! we still haven't scraped up the last
one that tried that!"
Announcer 2: "WOOOOT!!! there he goes!! aannndddd!!!! SPLAT! WOW! NOW
THATS ENTERTAINMENT!"
Announcer 1: "it sure is Dick, it sure is, BUT WAIT!!! HE"S NOT DEAD YET!!!"
Announcer 2: "WELL YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!"
BOTH AND CROWD: "RELEASE THE PARAPLEGIC EATING CHALUPA!!"
(now just let that sit in you head for a wile)
(ok that's enough)
Announcer 1: "WOW! i haven't seen a testicle explode like that since i saw that home movie,"
Announcer 2: "DAMN RIGHT!....wait.....my names not Dick...."
(pause)
short break when i make myself a ramen noodle cup, its creamy chicken, (4 min later)
Announcer 1: ".....it's not?"
Announcer 2: "NOOO!! IT'S NOT!"
Announcer 1: ".....are you sure?"
Announcer 2: "YES I"M SURE!"
Announcer 1: "...then what is your name?"
Announcer 2: "IT"S BOB!!!"
Announcer 1: "REALLY?!?! OH SHI-"
Yetithatwashidingintheannouncerbooththewholetime:
"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!"
(moral)
1.don't ever, EVER, name your child Bob,
2.there is no such thing as 2
3.the cake it a lie
4.who the hell would name their baby Biff?
5.no, there is no Chuck Norris in this story,
6.DON'T LICK THE BEAR!
7.if you ever find yourself in Wear-the-hell, Just keep walking, or flopping,
8.yes i know that the Paraplegic Acrobats are politically incorrect, but who gives a shit,
9. WE MUST KILL AND DEVOUR ALL CHALUPAS BEFORE THEY BECOME SELF AWARE!!
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Post by Rofl Panda on Aug 19, 2008 14:13:00 GMT -5
jon: "hey ted, can i ask you a question?" ted: "you just did, but yeah, what is it?" jon: "say you go on a camping trip with a bunch of friends," ted: "ok," jon: "so you have to share a tent with one of them," ted: "is this going somewere?" jon: "yes, it is. so say you wake up the next morning and you find a used condom stuck in your bum, do you tell everyone?" ted: "HELL NO!" jon: "do you want to go camping?"
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Post by Rofl Panda on Aug 19, 2008 14:22:20 GMT -5
this is jeff, jeff: "sup" jeff thinks that rape is funny jeff: "hellz yes, i, like, read lil' asses everytime one comes out!" which parts do you like? jeff: "the part were someone dosen't know that jimmit is right behind them!" like right now? jeff: " hellz ye-what?" jimmit: "i heard you like rape...." jeff: "........................................................................................................................................."
jeff: "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! WHY WON'T IT QUIT BLEEDING!!! NO!!!! NOT THE EAR!!! NOT THE E-" *ear rape sound* "-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
(moral) 1.rape is only funny when it happends to others...... especialy pickle.......... 2.WHY THE F**K IS IT STILL RAINING!?!?!
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Post by The Chronic Dragon on Aug 24, 2008 23:20:36 GMT -5
Ventilation: Airflow through lungs or structure. Hyperventilation: A side effect of an immense panic attack brought about by seeing something shocking. Most victims have it occuring after recieving Ocular Penetration
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Post by The Chronic Dragon on Aug 24, 2008 23:22:14 GMT -5
Fried: a synonym for cooked Refried: Who the F**k knows.
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Post by Rofl Panda on Aug 25, 2008 18:09:48 GMT -5
you cook it twice?
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Post by The Chronic Dragon on Aug 26, 2008 0:17:12 GMT -5
refried beans are cooked once
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Post by The Chronic Dragon on Aug 26, 2008 0:22:36 GMT -5
This message was brought to you by Sodomy Incorporated remember, "if it ain't worth rapin' it ain't worth doin'".
President: I'm Jimmit and I approve of this message
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Post by The Chronic Dragon on Aug 26, 2008 0:31:43 GMT -5
DAMNIT!!! No matter how I try to write RAPIN TIME!!! it won't show up as RAPIN TIME!!! and RAPIN TIME!!! can't be a word in any of my replies.
By the way I was trying to type JiMmIt
I mean JImmIT
jIMMIT
No jiMMit
JIMMIT
DAMN YOU INTERNET!!!!!
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Post by Sir Kiken on Sept 2, 2008 8:20:50 GMT -5
He danced to France with turkey in his pants, "He's the ORANGE! He's the ORANGE!" He cooks with his teeth and he dines like a thief! "He's the ORANGE! He's the ORANGE!" A walk within the park is just a flailing in the dark, "He's the ORANGE! He's the ORANGE!" Justice shall be served, lest there be a purple verb, "He's the ORANGE! He's the ORANGE!" Murder and dissent, we are ALL no different! "Fear the ORANGE! FEAR THE ORANGE!" Kill the bastards you don't like, rest their heads upon a pike! "Fear the ORANGE! FEAR THE ORANGE!" Homo-geno-suicide! My fist with your face shall collide! Damn the hellions and the llama, I will sacrifice yo momma! "FEAR THE ORANGE! FEAR THE ORANGE!"
Brought to you by Pears. Their better than oranges.
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Post by Dirt on Sept 2, 2008 11:39:20 GMT -5
thank you pears for spreading orange awareness
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Post by The Chronic Dragon on Sept 3, 2008 23:14:39 GMT -5
Can I actually write jimmit yet?
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