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Post by Dirt on Nov 22, 2009 4:54:31 GMT -5
And all you really need to do is follow the survival guide of life. it teaches you one of the most important techniques you will ever learn. That is AVOIDING THE GOD DAMN BEAR!
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Post by Sir Kiken on Nov 22, 2009 20:46:29 GMT -5
Precisely.
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Post by Korin on Nov 29, 2009 22:01:06 GMT -5
I have chosen this forum to publish surrealist epic poem.... the likes of which have never been seen in the course of existing human literary history....
Yarn Bubble.
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Post by Sir Kiken on Nov 30, 2009 9:11:37 GMT -5
... ...... ............ ........................ ................................................ My blown is mind.
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Post by Korin on Nov 30, 2009 12:49:31 GMT -5
As is mine......As is mine.........
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Post by Pheonix Metabashi on Nov 30, 2009 18:29:48 GMT -5
I think my soul just face planted
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Post by The Chronic Dragon on Nov 30, 2009 21:11:32 GMT -5
Ah but there is a bear attack survival. You see when I was walking in the woods 10 years ago under the pale blue glow of the full moon, I witnessed an event that would change my life. A dragon with violet scales was in an epic battle with a grizzly bear. After many minutes the dragon emerged victorious, barely alive. I rushed over and tended its wounds. Out of thanks, he restored the function of my organs and bit me, imbibing me with his spirit. He fell dead at my feet. Just then, the bear emerged from the shrubery suddenly glowing yellow. I transformed and beat the bear senseless, barely escaping with my life. So, there is a bear attack survival if you can turn into a half-dragon or have a power better than that, and even then it's questionable.
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Post by Sir Kiken on Dec 1, 2009 15:58:22 GMT -5
...lol. That's a funny story, but of course everyone knows you can't beat a bear. Especially senseless. Their sense is the only thing keeping them from going berserk and devouring the inhabitants of eastern New Hampshire.
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Post by Pheonix Metabashi on Dec 4, 2009 0:13:10 GMT -5
Everyone knows bears are fire proof and have the power of a saiyan. You must of had your mind warped from bear telekinesis.
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Post by Dirt on Dec 13, 2009 18:51:10 GMT -5
That or it was a really big dog that tried to look like it was a bear to fool people into not f*cking with it lol.
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Post by mod12 on Dec 17, 2009 17:00:42 GMT -5
(I noticed that at the beginning of this thread there were random funny things like this so here goes...)
I forgot to leave Santa cookies on Christmas Eve.
So, when I woke up the next morning it wasn't in the gleeful manor one displays when expecting to recieve presents. It was in the fearful one that one displays when you here a shotgun cock and feel cold metal between your teeth when you try to close your mouth and wake up. This red clad asshole had stuck the barell of a twelve gauge between my chops and stood over me with a drunken glare, "Where's mah cookies?" he asked in a gruff tone. Now, I'm quite confrontational and sometimes not to smart, so my respnse would have been, "Up your ass you jolly f*cking prick," but as mentioned before. Shotgun in mouth. He turned his head and spit a yellow lugie onto my covers, "There's two things people do when they want Santa's presents. They leave cookies, or they take it up the ass. You asked for presents but didn't leave no damn cookies. I think it'd be a good idea for you to flip over and brace yourself."
I was already developing an ass kicking plan. See, Santa may have a shotgun, but he didn't have movie badass syndrome like me. I half-cocked the shotgun with my left hand and kicked him off my bed with my legs after I heard the click from his attempt to fire. As he fell I grabbed the barrel and pulled it from his tumbling hands. By the time Santa looked up I was standing over him with the fully cocked shotgun pointed at his face. I smiled crazily, "They're mah cookies b*tch!!!" I screamed as I put a slug through the back of his skull. Now...to feast.
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Post by Sir Kiken on Dec 18, 2009 9:16:09 GMT -5
So...did you feast on the cookies...or... SANTA NOOOOO!!!
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Post by Sir Kiken on Dec 20, 2009 19:11:41 GMT -5
Stop! You are reading this message quickly. There is not such triangle as the one in your abdomen.
Are you mocking my nose? BEGONE!!!
The winds have no need for
FART! It is the way of your baboon sandwich and none shall stand against it's awesome power.
Deny me my steak and suffer the wrath of thine own inner tube. Never again did we lick the forest.
And another thing. No.
That was the last banana hammock. Will there be gapes? I think not. Will there be spoons? f*ck you.
Behind the ugly candelabra is a turkey baster. You will use this in a wobbly limp dick fashion to secure the gay bar from terrorist monopoly. Do not pass go, but collect an ass whoopin. Make that two.
If you DO decide to bend over... ...I hope you like spaghetti.
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Post by Sir Kiken on Dec 20, 2009 19:43:06 GMT -5
I was going back and reading again and realized I don't think I can top Warning: Blue Random. These are the faves of my own posting. I'll post what I liked from others later.
WARNING blue RANDOM!!! « Reply #87 on Aug 14, 2008, 10:30am
Of all the feces we inject into quarter pounders none compare to the lubetastic buttfuckery of WHALESHIT which has the following nutrients: Yes. And of course who can forget that-- WARNING -- Anal flake cream now has BLUEBERRY flavorings! ten times the mouse raping power of TRIDENT GUM! So whenever you eat salad with Koala dropping and decide, "Hmm, this kumquat could use some f*ck!" then grab a HOT MEAT STICK and ram it down your blowhole! It'll taste like ANAL FLAKE CREAM whenever it's time to go home TUESDAY morning on the first of february after you slip and fall eating six and a half rocks on purpose. Grape pudding. Don't you yell at me! I'll slap your second cousin with a boiling box of cheerios and slather him in mayo while raping his pet squirrel's left nostril! And I'm goin' in dry as a dehydrated poodle pancreas. EAT CAKE. EAT CAKE. EAT CAKE. EAT CAKE. EAT SHIT! EAT FALCON'S DICK! NOnononononono there is no such myth as BigFace he's f*cking real! Real horny! Bend over the twin towers and catch the plane while whisling "Cheddar Bill" in D-minor! DO IT!
This message has been brought to you by Rectal Friction Co. "Unless you're a prison guy you shouln't go in dry!"
The Tale of the Orange « Reply #98 on Sept 2, 2008, 7:20am
He danced to France with turkey in his pants, "He's the ORANGE! He's the ORANGE!" He cooks with his teeth and he dines like a thief! "He's the ORANGE! He's the ORANGE!" A walk within the park is just a flailing in the dark, "He's the ORANGE! He's the ORANGE!" Justice shall be served, lest there be a purple verb, "He's the ORANGE! He's the ORANGE!" Murder and dissent, we are ALL no different! "Fear the ORANGE! FEAR THE ORANGE!" Kill the bastards you don't like, rest their heads upon a pike! "Fear the ORANGE! FEAR THE ORANGE!" Homo-geno-suicide! My fist with your face shall collide! Damn the hellions and the llama, I will sacrifice yo momma! "FEAR THE ORANGE! FEAR THE ORANGE!"
The Lore of Buttfukkleton
O' it is a day of days when we penetrate the cheeks that hold the LORE OF BUTTFUKKLETON!!! In with the spear and out with the wine! War hast been declared on BUTTFUKKLETON! And the king did bend upon the ails of the people ,and wailing was heard in BUTTFUKKLETON! The men, they came and came even more! For the gates were open at BUTTFUKKLETON! They came into the gates, and they came into the streets, and they came came upon the PEOPLE OF BUTTFUKKLETON! For in the war there was much wailing ,and bleeding, and crying in the streets for there was much RAPING at the BATTLE OF BUTTFUKKLETON!
Oh, well...I guess that's it.
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