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Post by Sir Kiken on Apr 4, 2008 9:16:19 GMT -5
Post funny phone call or conversation like comedy stuff here!
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Post by Sir Kiken on Apr 4, 2008 9:35:38 GMT -5
Man: Hello? Is this Bob's Manly House?
Guy: Yes, leader of furniture movers...
Man: Good, so you have many men there?
Guy: Um...yes sir we do. They all move furniture professionaly
Man: Good good. So they're human?
Guy: What?
Man: HUMAN!!!
Guy: Oh, yeah...of course.
Man: Then they have souls?
Guy: What?
Man: SOULS!!!
Guy: Um....yeah...
Man: Good! How much?
Guy: Why are you calling here about this?
Man: Because everyone notices the bear traps outside my front door!!! Do you realize how hard it is to catch people? I'd rather buy their soul from them. It's easier...
Guy: You're kidding right?
Man: Oh yeah! Don't worry...I'm just messin with ya! *laughs*
Guy: Okay good then...*chuckles* okay so were you needing any furniture moved at all?
Man: Yes of course! Send twelve of them. Make sure you tell them the bear traps are fake and that the only way to get to my door is my stepping on all of them.
Guy: Wait I thought you were kidding about that?!
Man: I was! Just...tell them...y'know...anyway...
Guy: ...I...I don't think I'm gonna-
Man: You will do as I command...
Guy: What?
Man: YOU SHALL DO...AS I COMMAND!!!
Guy: ...Who are you?
Man: ...What? Why?
Guy: Whou art thou?
Man: Oh sh*t is that Jesus?
Guy: ...uh...yeah...he's right here beside me!
Man: ......YOUR FATHER IS WASHED UP!!! HIS TIME SHALL COME!!!
Guy: He's glowing with uh...the uh...glory of God!
Man: KDSHG666OIEUWNSOFOGREWOWE666U!!!!DLHKOGW666OFMNCIEUWENLFN!!!!
Guy: *in the distance* I think he hung up...
Man: So the souls are out of the question then?
Guy: *click...beep...beep*
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Post by Pheonix Metabashi on Apr 4, 2008 10:21:12 GMT -5
Man: Hello? Woman: Yes this is the Captain Cocoa Information line, how may I help you? Man: Well I have seemed to run into a little bit of a problem, it started about three days ago when I got out of chocolate rehab. I decide that life was to short to live without chocolate so I sold everything in my possession and used the money for chocolate. Woman: I can't help you with that. Man: That is not the problem, let me finish!!!!! Woman: Sorry, Man: Damn right your sorry. Anyway earlier today i was walking through my house looking for a spoon when I tripped over the last piece of candy . Since I have no money my power cut off at the same time and sent me hurling forward into the darkness. Woman: I still can't help you Man: God help me if you interrupt me one more time........................ After picking my face off of my chocolate and blood covered floor, i used my lighter, that I melt chocolate with so I can snort it like crack, to guide myself to the bathroom. As I was walking I noticed everything on the left side was darker than everything on the right. When I entered the bathroom i noticed a brown smudge on my eye, but after closer investigation I realized it was actually a chocolate brick from one of you candy bars. Woman: Sir...... Man; interrupting I will kill you!!!!!!!!! Immediately I tried to call the police but then I realized I sold the 9 on my phone for more chocolate...........Now you may speak. Woman: Why did you call us then? ? Man: Your number has no 9's Woman: Just drive to the hospital. Man: SOLD ALL MY POSSESSIONS, THAT INCLUDES THE CAR!!! Woman: You don't have to yell!!! Man: I need you to understand that when chocolate enters your blood stream you lose all patience and your ability to urinate Woman: So do you want me to call the police?? Man: No you see I am wanted for murder, I'm the Cocoa Killer. If you were listening then you would know my problem is that I have no more chocalate.......So how much can I get for the skin off my face? ? Woman: ...........I calling the cops.........*click*......*beep*......*beep* Man: ..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... ....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................I have to pee!!!!
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Post by Sir Kiken on May 21, 2008 10:26:14 GMT -5
Man: Excuse me? Ring Ring Ring Man: Hello! Ring Ring Ring Man: WHO IS THIS!?? Person: Hello Dark Market Help Line how may I-- Man: Is this the Da'k Ma'ket help line? Person: Yes... Man: GOOD! Then I shall request your assistance with a certain...matter... Person: Alright, what my I help you w-- Man: You see I have recently purchased a certain ability from your company. Person: Oh? And which ability did you-- Man: I have obtained the power of Cirby and it-- Person: Oh the Kirby power we sold for $700-- Man: Don't interrupt me mortal or I shall rend your flesh from your body with a hot lamp! Person: ... Man: ... Person: ... Man: ...now you may speak Person: So you mean the Kirby power allowing you to absorb the ability of thos you inh-- Man: Yes of course that's what I mean! But mine is the one with a C!!! Whereas Kirby is CLEARLY spelled with a K!!! Person: Oh, I see...so what did you want me to d--- Man: I would like you to replace this power with the actual Kirby- Person: I can't do that Man: DID I NOT JUST SAY INTERRUPTING WOULD RESULT IN...I don't have time for this... BURN!!!
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Post by The Chronic Dragon on May 28, 2008 18:34:11 GMT -5
Man: Hello? Father: Yes is this Brown's Toy Emporium Help Line? Man: Yes sir makers of the world's finest toys since 1937. What seems to be the problem? Father: Well you see I ordered a Barbie for my daughter the other day and the woman offered me a choice of customization. Man: Yes, I see, well... Father: THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM!!! Don't interupt! Man: I'm sorry. Please continue. Father: Well, I took the customization that lets the doll sing five different songs. The problem is that it has been singing the same song for the past WEEK AND A HALF!!! Here...listen to this... Doll: ...made of plastic. It's fantas... Father: It's DRIVING ME F*CKING INSANE!!!! My daughter doesn't even want it anymore. HELP ME PLEEEAASE!!!! Man: Al-Alright did you take the batteries out? Father: YES BUT THAT JUST MADE IT GET LOUDER!!! Man: WHA-?!?!........D-Did you try.....um.....checking for a bug of some sort? Maybe it shorted. Father: OF COURSE I CHECKED FOR THAT!!! I TOOK THE WHOLE DAMN THING APART SATURDAY NIGHT BUT I WOKE UP SUNDAY MORNING AND IT HAD PUT ITSELF BACK TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man:....................................................................................................................................................................................................................um..............................................................I.....well............................................................................................................................................... Father: DON'T YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE?!?!?!?!?! Man: Well................................................................................................................um.......................................................................................................................................... Father: THAT DOES IT!!!!! *rumaging* Man: Sir? SIR? HELLO? Father: IT'S THE ONLY ESCAPE FROM THE SONG!!!! I'VE GOT TO DO IT!!!!! *click*
[shadow=red,top,300][glow=magenta,2,300]BANG[/glow][/shadow]
Man: Hello? HELLO? HELLLLO!?!?!?!? Oh dear God!!!! ANSWER!!!!! Father: ....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... *click* BEEP BEEP BEEP
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Post by Knight on May 31, 2008 2:04:55 GMT -5
hahaha nice
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Post by Dirt on Jun 10, 2008 13:19:07 GMT -5
a telemarketer calls a mans house
Man: Hello
Telemarketer: (in a strong indian accent) Hello I am..
Man: Yes I would like two pounds of curry, two pounds of...
Telemarketer: no no no i am not a restaraunt
Man: excuse me i am trying to order my food.
Telemarketer: I am trying to sell you a computer program
Man: And I am trying to order food so let me finish oh and i know your an indian food restaraunt but could you please go next door to the chinese restaraunt and get a pound of eggrolls ill pay and additional fee for the extra.
Telemarketer: Sure that will be $17.89 wait a second I do not work at a restaraunt
Man: ok but i need my food in the next thirty minutes and there will be a good tip if you can get it here sooner thank you verymuch "Click"
Telemarketer: ok the food is on its way..............................wait a minute you didn't give me an adress sir.....................................wait i don't work at a f*cking restaraunt. "Click"
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Post by Sir Kiken on Jun 10, 2008 13:22:39 GMT -5
hahahha, good one! Go next door and get a pound of eggrolls.
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Post by The Chronic Dragon on Jun 10, 2008 19:04:04 GMT -5
Man: Hello is this the store called Fredrick's Fauna?
Clerk: Yes sir.
Man: I'm guessing it's a pet store.
Clerk: That is correct sir.
Man: Great, do you sell hedgehogs?
Clerk: Yes actually...let's see...we've got common garden variety or.......
Man: (interrupting) I'll take the blue one.
Clerk:...er......I'm afraid none of them are. We have black ones if that's good enough.
Man: NO! I want a blue one.
Clerk: Sir, I've told you we don't have any bl-
Man: BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Clerk:.......................................................Is this a joke sir?
Man: NO!!!!!! I WANT A BLUE HEDGEHOG AND I WILL GET ONE OR YOUR SPLEEN WILL FEEL THE WRATH OF MY HOOKBLADES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Clerk: I have a suggestion sir.
Man: What?
Clerk: BUY A SEGA GENESIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Man: What?? NO I WANT A HEDGEHOG!!!!!!!!!!!
Clerk: You leave me no choice sir.
Man: What?
Clerk: Bear.
Man:....................................................huh?
Bear: ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!
Man: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!
[glow=red,32,300][shadow=red,left,600]MAUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/shadow][/glow]
*click*
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