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Post by The Chronic Dragon on Dec 3, 2008 23:25:29 GMT -5
The long overdue story of Tyrainus Eclipse. Tell me what ya think.
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Post by Jhessail on Dec 4, 2008 7:37:48 GMT -5
Hmmm...seems like something that could draw me in, even though the beginning seemed kind of... Well I don't mean this as mean or anything, I'm just stating my opinion, but it seemed kind of...monotone like? I mean I could understand if it we were reading from the man's profile, but anyway, sorry if that sounded rude or mean.
But it seems like it could be interesting. I can't wait to see more!
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Post by Dirt on Dec 4, 2008 11:09:48 GMT -5
i agree the wrtiting seemed stinted and staggering it lacked flow and conviction. The style also seemed rather dry. Although if you merely work on your writing style the story is solid its just not as well written as it shouldve been. And i will b honest with you i could barely finish reading it no offense.
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Post by The Chronic Dragon on Dec 4, 2008 23:52:28 GMT -5
Hmm, alright. I was rushed for time because I constantly had to go back and start over and my mom came in and yelled at me to go to bed so I had to write quickly and cut it short. I've posted again so read it and give me some suggestions on how to improve.
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Post by Dirt on Dec 5, 2008 12:50:10 GMT -5
I still felt the writing slightly dry, but there was an improvement. also for our charecters inner thoughts try italics instead of bold.
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Post by The Chronic Dragon on Dec 5, 2008 18:03:40 GMT -5
It's actually Bold Italic, but I see your point. What if I use ' ' instead of " "? And what would you recommend for onomatopoeias?
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Post by Sir Kiken on Dec 9, 2008 8:51:25 GMT -5
onomatopoeia don't need anything special. If you like just add some simple italics or bold. Either one does the trick.
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Post by Dirt on Dec 9, 2008 13:51:36 GMT -5
and plus you can usualy pick an onomatopoeia out of a group since it is just a word that sounds like the sound it describes.
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