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Post by Korin on May 22, 2008 0:54:45 GMT -5
This isn't exactly the most common post in this forum but I want some feedback on a poem/ (maybe song) I wrote. Pay attention to the prose, allusions, metaphors, and dual/homophonic meanings of the words. So yeah feedback would be greatly appreciated.
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet Father a first born cliché to claim my defeat What is the method to the madness-- your sweet mystique? Or is it my weighted heart, inside an iron sheath?
A shame it would be to shield a flower from the Son Forged of gold, and Life has just begun Like a kiss from the sky it brings an air of truth Though truth it may be you don’t know what to do
We continue to run as dogs to a leash The farther we come, the longer it will reach You are always with me as I lay down to sleep I feel your warm embrace as I toss between the sheets
Oh the virgin insanity, most undiluted reality May you breathe relief and let it calm my mentality Suspicious serenity arrives before the storm Not without resisting doubt then will follow the scorn
Battle against the inevitability of events We are willfully ignorant to the commons of sense To Souls of passion, Time raises its defense My Lovely Lady, I am here to make amends
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